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Finding Pappa G: A Son’s Quest for His Lost Father

Charting an Unforgettable Journey: “I searched for you, Pappa G.”

Whenever I dreamed about my father, I envisioned him as the sandman, soothing me into a deep slumber. Every vivid dream overflowed with images of his face. As I gently touched his visage, I would abruptly awaken, yet the lingering scent of his aftershave remained on my fingertips. This sensory connection with him was something I treasured.

However, harsh realities haunted my nightmares, fueled by my mother’s cruel words. “He drowned in the ocean,” she would say. And then, “he dumped you like a sack of shit.” And furthermore, “he didn’t want you.” Her words carried immense weight, leaving no doubt about her true feelings and deep-seated animosity towards my father. The phrase “you are just like him” tormented my memories. Every night, I felt the dampness of the sheets against my skin, mixing with the scent of urine. Shame clung to me like a heavy blanket until my early teens.

It’s been 54 years since my father, Gilbert Ross, vanished like a wisp of mist, leaving a gaping void in my life. Born in Scotland on 18 November 1941, he was my hero—the man I called Pappa G. He disappeared between 1970 and 1976 in Johannesburg, during South Africa’s darkest days of apartheid. The authorities were always at his heels, and I suspect this was the reason for his mysterious disappearance.

Throughout the years, my relentless quest to find Pappa G has brought me closer to the truth. He lived in the Paramount Building, Kerk Straat Johannesburg, during the time he met my mother, Catharina Charlotte Ross, who resided in Noverna Court, Paul Nel Street, Hillbrow. She sued him for divorce, citing adultery and an affair with Brenda Ruth Sorokin. Eventually, they divorced, and he married Brenda Ruth, who became Brenda Ruth Ross.

Recently, I discovered that he conducted a travel and accommodation business and resided at Hartshill Road, Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire. An article from the British Newspaper Archives dated 14 December 1981 mentioned Brenda suing him for divorce and providing a statement while he was missing. From the decree, I learned they had two children together, one possibly named Ilana Ross or Ilana Sorokin. Brenda later married Bernard Allan Herlitz in 1983 and is now known as Brenda Ruth Herlitz.

My journey has been fraught with challenges, doubts, and unanswered questions. I cling to precious memories, and the only photograph I have of Pappa G remains my beacon of hope. People have come forward with their stories, each adding a piece to the puzzle. There’s a good chance he might have fled to another Commonwealth country without leaving a trace. His skills as a commercial pilot might have allowed him to charter flights to far-off lands, evading pursuit.

The path ahead is long, winding, and shrouded in uncertainty, each day without him a fresh stab of pain. But I refuse to give up. Every step on this journey brings me closer to the truth. My desperation has turned to determination and my uncertainty into resilience. I can’t do this alone any longer, which is why I’m reaching out to you.

If you have any information or know someone who might, please help. Listen to my story unfold in the podcast Finding Gilbert Ross: My Journey to Reunite with My Lost Father.

Your support could bridge the distance between us and bring my father back. Thank you for being part of my journey.

And when I find him, I’ll treat him to my wife’s world-famous spaghetti and meatballs—a rich, savory dish with tender meatballs and a luscious tomato sauce.