Part III — The Oppressors

There is a certain kind of bully—an abuser—that people like me tend to attract.
I call them the Oppressors.

Many have asked me whether these individuals are narcissists.
“Probably,” I tend to answer with a shrug. Then I add, gently but firmly,
Passive psychopaths.”
That’s usually when recognition flickers in their eyes.

Today marks one month since my release from the mental health clinic.
And for the first time, I feel ready to share this part of the story.

The Silent Observers

Oppressors are not loud in the beginning.
They are patient—a patience that is not a virtue but a weapon.

Their goal is simple:
to take control of your life slowly, rhythmically, invisibly.

At first it’s small things:
what you eat, what they insist you eat
what you should wear,
how you should look.

Then it’s your friends. Your family.
Your job.
Who you speak to.
Your finances.
Your entire world.

Until eventually, you belong to them.

And sometimes—maybe always—they will even say it aloud:

“You’re mine. Mine alone.”

Masters of the Subtle Decision

Oppressors are not amateurs.
They are seasoned experts at manipulation.

They pretend to leave every choice up to you…
but if you examine the pattern, you’ll notice:

every decision somehow becomes theirs.

They feign innocence to make you carry out the tasks they don’t want to do—
driving, firing someone, delivering difficult news.

But their innocence is only a costume.
he moment they don’t get their way, the mask drops,

 and you’re hit with the full arsenal:

• guilt trips
• silent treatment
• spite
• calculated isolation
• disappearing acts
• hushed phone calls designed to spark jealousy
• conversations with friends and family meant to remind you
•  that you have no one but them

They can make you public enemy number one in seconds.

And the scariest part?
You begin to fear the moments when they’re too happy.
Your mind whispers:

“What’s the catch?”

Little by little, paranoia becomes your daily companion.

The Submarines

These people operate like submarines—silent, unseen, circling beneath the surface.

They wear you down, and down, and down
until your will to resist is nothing but a faint memory.

They show affection only when there is something to gain,
never when it’s freely offered.

And public affection?
Never.
Not because they are shy…
but because vulnerability is a weakness they refuse to display.
They do not want to appear owned, attached, or accountable.

Yet heaven forbid you smile at someone else.
Your punishment will arrive the moment you’re home—
or worse, the next time you're out together.
They will find a target,
turn their back to you,
and talk for hours
while you sit and shrink in silence.

Only they may smile at strangers.
Only they may charm.

I’ve often called them the Deadly Nightshade—
beautiful, irresistible, alluring…
and once consumed, utterly lethal.

The Terrifying Twist

But above everything I’ve described, do you know what chills me the most?

Oppressors will read this article and believe they are the victims.

That is how deep the delusion runs.
Even writing that sends a shiver down my spine.

Is It Gendered?

People often ask me whether this type of spider—
the black widow type—
is more common in women.

From my own experience, yes.
But that’s just my experience.

These creatures come in all genders.
Different packaging, same poison.

Women may encounter male versions of this behavior.
I wouldn’t know firsthand; I date women.
But I’ve heard the stories.
I’ve seen the patterns repeat in both directions.

Your Story Matters Too

This is not just my space to speak.
It’s yours too.

If you’ve known an Oppressor—
if you’ve lived with a Deadly Nightshade,
or survived the submarine,
or broken free from someone who stole your choices—
I invite you to reach out.

Use the contact form on my website.
Share your story.
Your voice might help someone else see the pattern
before it consumes them.